


i don’t know how to see the world in grey

by lafgl



Series: fragile heart [6]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Annabeth Chase, Female Percy Jackson, Genderbending, PINING!!, annabeth and the terrible no good sexuality crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22180798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lafgl/pseuds/lafgl
Summary: It’s not a fleeting thought. She still very much wants to kiss Percy Jackson. And she’s not sure how she feels about it.—more fem!percy au can’t stop won’t stop
Series: fragile heart [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553368
Comments: 8
Kudos: 79





	i don’t know how to see the world in grey

**they say it’s never easy learning how to loosen up**   
**to love someone**   
**so take time**   
**just to be the lonely one**

**take time ..//.. honest men**

* * *

They’re four hours deep into a marathon of old cartoon reruns from the couch, Annabeth laying over Percy’s lap. It’s refreshing to be able to do something so mindless, just because they can. It’s 2am on a school night, and she’s sure they’ll regret it, but that’s a problem for them 5 hours from now.

Percy’s arm is wrapped around her, her hand resting on top of Annabeth’s and tracing circles on it. She looks up at her — Percy’s eyes are glued to the TV, completely unaware. It’s then that an intrusive thought pops into her head.

_I should kiss her._

She immediately tenses, sitting up. _What the fuck?_

“What’s wrong?” Percy’s focus breaks and she turns to face Annabeth, concern painting her face.

“Nothing, uh... just a headache. I’ve had a little one all day but there was just this sharp pain and it made me jump.” She’s impressed at how easy the lie flows off her tongue.

Percy frowns, “I’ll grab you something. We should get some sleep, too.”

“Yeah, um, thanks.”

* * *

She stares at the ceiling that night picking apart every single interaction she’s ever had with her, from the second she came to camp, half-conscious. Kissing her cheek after the chariot race. Dancing with her at Olympus. Saving her life without hesitation.

It’s not a fleeting thought. She still very much wants to kiss Percy Jackson. And she’s not sure how she feels about it. She likes boys. She always has. Not girls. Because she doesn’t, right? Luke was her first crush, and even if he turned out to be more like a brother to her, it doesn’t change that fact.

She’s had crushes on a few boys, and she knows she would be completely happy to settle down with one. She could picture that. What confuses her is that she’s never even thought about a girl like that before. It doesn’t make sense. Why all of a sudden? Why _now_? As if stopping a war between the gods wasn’t enough, the universe wouldn’t give her a break. No, now she has to untangle the mess that is, apparently, her love life. Hasn’t she been through too much for it to be this complicated?

She’s able to imagine a theoretical relationship with some of the attractive boys from school, but thinking about other girls feels... _wrong_ (and not for the reasons she expects it to). But _gods_ , she can imagine a life with Percy. In fact, it’s hard to imagine one _without_ her in it. She tries not to think about the simple, seemingly innocent acts of affection between them; the way their hands fit perfectly together, the life-sustaining hugs Percy gives, falling asleep on each other’s shoulders by the campfire. A traitorous thought tells her that she should add stealing kisses in the Poseidon cabin to that list.

Shouldn’t she have figured this out sooner?

After all, Percy wouldn’t act any different around her if she knew. She _would_ if she knew Annabeth liked her, because she doesn’t feel the same way. See, Annabeth knows Percy. If she liked Annabeth, it would be more obvious. After all, she was able to pick up on her crush on Rachel almost immediately.

_Rachel_. There’s that pit in her stomach that always comes with thinking of the red-headed mortal. What did Rachel ever do that made her hate her? She knows the answer. Nothing. Except flirt with Percy. She wants to be reasonable; wants to tell herself that the reason was that she didn’t want Rachel stealing her best friend. It’s more than that. _It was always more than that, wasn’t it?_

That’s when it finally hits her. What happened in the middle of the volcano. _She kissed her._ Dear gods, _she kissed Percy Jackson_ , and they’ve _never talked about it_. Why was that?

She’s never really thought about it either, to be fair, but now that she has, she has to wonder — Why did she do it in the first place? It was as close as Annabeth could get to her in that moment; when she genuinely worried she might lose Percy (and she thought she did). But then again, she could have just hugged her. That’s what made her head spin. And oh, how her head was spinning.

The idea that it could’ve been her last memory of Percy, and she pushed it away, is gut-wrenching. She should’ve known; should’ve been able to tell her in her own words. It’s like her mind is betraying her, keeping her in the dark about her feelings while letting her act on them, unaware. If she could go back, she likes to think she would kiss her, properly, and tell her she loves her in no uncertain terms. She’s not sure if she’d have the guts to.

During the days after Percy’s disappearance, she cried a lot. There wasn’t anything to do except try to block the last time she saw Percy out of her memory. It hurt too much. When she showed up in the middle of her own funeral, Annabeth could only hug her the tightest her arms would allow. She was there, with her, and it was all that mattered. So Annabeth managed to push it into the deepest depths of her memories, and it never came up.

The way she sees it, there are two options: Either Percy doesn’t remember, or she doesn’t want to have to break Annabeth’s heart by telling her she doesn’t feel the same way — and since she remembers everything else, the reality of the latter starts to sink in.

She can feel the tears pricking her eyes, and she tries to will them away, because she refuses to cry over the stupid cliche of having a crush on her best friend. _For the gods’ sakes_ , she’s the daughter of the goddess of wisdom. Shouldn’t she have been wise enough not to fall in love with her? The tears come anyways. She’s been holding them back for a long time, it seems.


End file.
